Being judgmental, to me, is the second biggest sin, first being discrimination. It haunts me, literally. But being aware of the fact that I’m being judgmental, has helped me improve myself a lot.
I don’t know if I’m ready to write about it, but it has been months since I’m observing my judgmental behavior and I really wanted to share it with you all.
I said it’s a sin. You know why? Because we hurt people with our judgmental behavior. And hurting someone is a sin. When it comes from a stranger, it’s okay because we are least bothered, most of us, about what strangers think about us. But when it comes from someone very close to our heart, it hurts…
The one thing that I’ve seen, one change, is that I’ve started loving people, loving myself more, sans this judgmental behavior.
We make our conclusions about people around us. Can you think of an example?
Let me paint a clearer picture…
First day of college. You being well dressed, well mannered, will make friends with the ones with same qualities as yours.
I still remember, the first week of my college. I made a friend and she was, like, this extrovert and outspoken girl. Two girls came into our class, sat on a bench ahead of me. Asked me something and their accent was that of a villager. I replied to them. But this friend of mine, she made fun of their accent. In the final year, that same friend of mine became a good friend of those two girls.
So, you see. Being judgmental deprives us of the joy and thrill of meeting new people, from different backgrounds. In the above case, obviously they became friends, but it doesn’t happen most of the times.
We make these conclusions that the one with western attire would be all ‘modern’, gullible, well mannered, fun, etc. But how can we be so sure?
It is not always that we make conclusions about people based on their sartorial sense.
We meet people with different ideals, principles, goals in life. There are all kinds of people in this world. Their upbringing, their surroundings and their inborn nature make them who they are.
It is not necessary that we become the best of friends with these people. In some cases it is possible. My best friends have complete opposite goals in life than mine. But we still are friends. We need to understand that this world is an incredible amalgam of people of different kinds and that it’s okay to have different point of views.
We have this ‘abhorring’ habit of passing on our judgments about some situation without even going into the root cause. Many a times I’ve seen that I just want to share what’s in my heart but my friends or even my parents make their own judgement and ‘advise’ me on what I should do about it. That is not what I want!!!
People ask for other people’s advice but how can someone advise you, when they don’t know the real problem? You are the one living with it and hence, you know the best possible solution for the same. Nobody can help you better than you, yourselves.
People who’ve had a troubled childhood will behave erratically. Some people won’t like them. But some would love them for they’ve seen the person beneath that erratic behaviour, the person that is full of fun but had hid it because there was no opportunity earlier…
People with religious upbringing will behave in a different way than people with a more ‘casual’ one. Also, life’s experiences make a huge impact on the way we react, the way we behave. If we’ve had no troubles in our lives, we’ll live life freely. But if we’ve had a few downturns, heartbreaks, then we will proceed with caution.
I’ve seen quite frequently that people say they don’t trust people because they’ve had a few bad experiences in the past. I’m exactly the same. I have stopped trusting people, I do love them, would help them, but trust is confined to only a small number of people in my life. This hasn’t always been the case. There was a time when I used to believe everything what people said to me. But it changed eventually…
Our life is shaped on the experiences we’ve had. And no two people have had the exact same experiences. So we should respect that.
Hence, the crux of the topic is that we don’t know the full story of everyone we meet. And hence stop being judgmental.
You do get frustrated when people don’t understand why you’re behaving in a certain way. Others are no different. If you’ve had a troubled life, chances are that the person in front of you hadn’t had a felicitous one either.
So learn to love them because you would want the same too. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses. Understand them. Listen to them. And most of all, don’t make unnecessary conclusions about them.
Don’t forget to pray for world peace 🙂