I always say that I am non-religious and against violence, hatred etc. But I always feel that I’m a Hypocrite.
The reason is very simple. I’m a Sikh. Whenever I visit Golden Temple, I get this strange feeling. The feeling of fulfilment. Whenever I’m there, I feel like this place is so pure. That I’ve become pure by visiting it. It soothes my mind. It makes me happy. And when the moment comes, the moment when I come out of the Golden Temple, I feel sad. I feel like not wanting to leave it. Whether it is the long queue I’ve to stand in for seeking blessings of the main temple or facing the scorching heat, I don’t mind anything. What is so magical and mysterious about that place, I’ve got no idea.
As mentioned a number of times, my parents have never restricted me to follow any particular religion. Since childhood, I have visited mandirs (Hindu temples). I’d also been an ardent believer of Sai Babaji. I used to carry a bronze Ganesh idol with me all the time, which my dad brought for me. I had kept fasts on Thursdays. I used to visit mandirs everyday.
Because of the very small number of churches in my hometown, I never really visited any of them. I only visited a church with my friends once, somewhere near Christmas. Or I visited churches whenever we went on any vacation. But there, people would treat us like tourists and hence I wasn’t really praying there.
I had visited mosques. My friend and I would drive to a very far away place on Thursdays, even skip our lectures to visit that particular Mosque.
But it is all past now.
I say, I’m a secular person.
But why am I always so eager to visit the Golden Temple? Why?! I don’t have such feelings for any other Sikh temple, though. My dad remains very busy. Even then I would always request him to take me to Golden Temple. It has been almost a year now.
The one reason that seems feasible to me is that maybe I actually know the rituals (which are almost nothing) of the Sikh religion. Maybe I understand what goes on there. Because whenever I visit a temple, I’m clueless what to say, or do or think. My mum says that all I gotta say is ‘Om’ or ‘Ram’. And as far as churches and mosques go, I’m totally clueless about what to do there. I just follow the line.. Sounds really stupid. But that’s how it is.
Another thing that bothers me is the fact that I preach peace, humanity, love, brotherhood. But the moment I see someone degrading India, I swear on that person, even though in my mind, but it’s bad anyways. Not only India, but whenever anybody discriminates or talks bad about any particular group, for example, Muslims, sikhs, Pakistanis, South Indians, Biharis, etc. I go nuts! I feel like rebuking that person.
But my policy is that if you don’t have anything good to say, then just don’t say it. And that’s why I keep quite.
But the fact remains that I am a Hypocrite!