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The Good Life

There is a certain way to articulate your life.

The other day I got an extremely disturbing phone call from someone I care about deeply. And it shook me to see that person in extreme pain. But, if that phone call would’ve come, say, two months ago, I would’ve been of no help. Except for being a listener, which is also rare!

But, instead, to my surprise, I was this focused counsellor who gave that weeping person a sense of strength! And nothing makes me happier than making people smile. Listening to them. And in the end, making them relieve of the pain that is causing a sort of mental trauma.

Because I’ve been there. I have spent days locked into my room and weeping and questioning my life and the very reason of my existence. And it’s nothing new. I’ve talked of my various stages of depression and self-questioning several times on this platform. And I don’t think anybody should be ashamed of being an emotional wreck.

We are humans! We are supposed to feel things. And that too, deeply. Nothing makes me angrier than people who are too closed when it comes to their heart. Like why the hell would you guard your heart, instead of taking a chance? If we all lived our lives like that, there would have been no success stories at all! The more skeptical you are, the more you are blocking the good things coming to you.

So yeah, coming back to the phone call.

I’m obviously not gonna disclose the details, but what really hit me was how obsessively we stalk people on Instagram and Facebook and other non-popular social media platforms and in turn make our lives miserable. Like, have you ever posted about how miserable your life is on your Instagram story? Maybe once or twice. But that’s acceptable. But if we continue to do so, then my friend, first, you’ll lose your followers because no one got the time to listen to how shitty your life is and secondly, you will fall into this pit of negativity and struggle to come out of it if you don’t get your shit together.

So, why worry about who took a trip to Phuket or who just bought a new Chanel boy bag? Have you ever looked at your life with an Instagram filter? I’m telling you, it’s gorgeous! It’s so damn beautiful compared to what it was a year ago! You got a million blessings and a gazillion moments to cherish for lifetime. But because you’re blindsided with negativity and vying for MORE, you’re blocking the way for many more blessings to come your way!

And how do I end this post? By being thankful to the almighty for blessing me with this long lost friend of mine: gratitude.

Love,

H ❤️

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The ache is deeper than ever

In fact it inflicts more pain

Because every second

There is a new wound

By the same fucking person

How stupid can one be

To fall for the same lie

Over and over again

To hurt oneself

A little more

By the same fucking person

The doors are always closed

Yet they foolishly open

Even at the slightest arrival

Of the conniving soul

That is inconsiderate

And it hurts, hurts like a bitch

Because of the same fucking person

And yet in those moments

Or any other as a matter of fact

Heart longs

For the same fucking person

And this vicious cycle carries on

To the delight of the heartless silhouette

Who finds bliss in my pain

And lies to my fucking face

Because this heart is stupider than ever

To fall

For the same fucking person

Love

H ❤️

The Vicious Cycle

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For What Do I Fight

When the hope dies,

The good times fly by.

When the heart aches,

When the brain is tired.

No one cares,

But I still persevere.

For what?

For what do I fight?

 

My words are twisted,

My intentions intertwined with lies.

That’s what they think.

But I still fight.

I fight for a better tomorrow.

At what cost?

She cries.

She cares.

I give her a reason to whine.

For what do I fight?

 

I’ve lost years.

Lost my precious time.

And I wonder what time do I have?

To make my dream realise?

And then I ponder.

What was my dream?

For what I  fight?

Tell me.

For what do I fight?

 

I used to write.

I used to empathise.

Now it’s a saga of whining.

My heart aches.

My soul is tired.

How do I explain?

Whom should I explain it to?

And,

Most importantly,

What do I explain?

I fight.

And I fight for what?

For what do I fight?

 

I do know that it is my life.

That they’re connected with me for a lifetime.

I care and, hence, don’t speak.

I speak and I break their pride.

I choose to be quiet.

But inside, I fight.

And then I wonder.

For what do I fight?

 

Don’t even get me started on self-doubt.

Don’t ask me about the worth of my life.

I question the very existence.

My existence isn’t worthwhile.

Yet, I fight.

Like a maniac.

For what do I fight?

 

Love,

H

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The Places I’ve Seen

And the mind wanders

To far off lands

Lands that should’ve been there

But lost in my ruthless plans

A perfect world

You’re by my side

Life is a cakewalk

Blessed with every desire

Our laughter so real

They make of it as a phase

But we go on together

Living a life so good; unfazed

rainy mornings

Or the bright sunny days

We move through it all

Epitome of happy rays

Oh! The places I’ve seen

Through my wandering mind

Oh! The love I’ve developed

But alas! I’ve resigned…

Your scornful looks

Your heartbreaking words

My happy place is your heart

Should I fight for it, undeterred?

Love

H 💖

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Say No More

Not a poem. After ages.

What is the downside of being an introvert?

If you ask me, we, the introverts, the so called less happier ones. The so called arrogant ones. The so called crazy ones. And many more negative adjectives to describe our state of mind or rather our general psyche.

But these adjectives stop making sense after a certain period of time. We start accepting ourselves as we are after a certain period of time. What hurts the most?

Well.

It is when we are hurt by the behaviour of someone and choose to isolate ourselves and not to confront the person directly. It is when we are extremely hurt but choose to keep the feelings of the other person above ours and not make them feel guilty (if they have that kind of heart) of their behaviour by not disclosing the reason of our isolation to anybody. And then get JUDGED by all for being egoist, naive and arrogant for behaving in a socially unacceptable manner.

Yep..

It hurts the most.

Because we do not want to hurt anybody.

Even if it means to hurt ourselves more and more each day…

Love 💖

H ❤️

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From where I stand

From where I stand

I see a rose

Dazzling in the sunlight

Engraved in poise

From where I stand

I see a perished leaf

A little life left

Magnificent in its grief

From where I stand

I see an empty pot

The mud in it calling

Leaves that have been left to rot

From where I stand

I can feel the wind

And the sunlight in full bloom

Sweeping off my untamed hair

Abundant warmth to decimate my gloom

From where I stand

I see a world

Where beliefs are engraved in hearts

From where I stand

I see a world

That does not follow the herd

Love

H 💖

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The Dark Room

Humid corners

Eerie noise

Intrigued by it all

I forget my poise

I traverse

Traverse into the room

Nothing appealing

Oh! It resembles a sad tomb

Yet a connection

A familiarity touches my heart

In spite of its ugliness

I just couldn’t depart

Nothingness filled it

Void and vacuum alike

Just like this heart

Which I call ‘mine’

The silence or the noise

Whatever you may call

This queer room is a canvas

Of my equally dead soul

Run! You may run

But I call it my own

Possessed in it completely

I can happily drown

H ❤️

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Untamed

You rise,

And fall,

And still go on.

 

You care,

You cry,

And still  manage to love.

 

You are power,

You are life.

But still treated as a mice.

 

The  beauty within,

Is unimaginable.

But still,

Your silhouette is what they savor.

 

You are the creator.

And the nurturer.

But your chains,

They tell a different story.

 

You are blamed.

You are tamed.

You are a prisoner,

In the hands of your creation.

 

They cheat,

They sly,

They rip off your mind.

And still,

With every single vein,

In your body,

Burning in flames.

You rise.

Rise like a Phoenix.

With love ever-flowing.

 

Oh! My love.

How? How on Earth?

How do you manage?

To be so forgiving?

 

They burnt you alive.

Threw you on a live pyre. 

Your own blood.

It just kept quiet…

 

You were draped.

In silks and cotton.

In long flowing skirts.

Hoping to shut your soul,

To a world full of potential.

 

Break this glass of illusion.

My dear.

Break it.

Let them typecast you.

Let them keep you in a cage.

 

You spread your wings.

Your beautiful, white hued wings.

And break free.

To reach the skies.

Skies full of your dreams.

 

Be your own creation.

And not the creator, 

Of ruthless dictators.

Who betray,

Lie,

And leave you in abyss.

 

You are the creation.

Of a world,

That belongs to you.

And not the puppeteers,

That you created.

 

You are,

Untamed.

 

Love,

H

 

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My Journal- Day 1

Life is what you make it. And we make it step by step, day by day.

 

Today was also a stepping stone towards something great. Yes, I’m a believer. I like to believe that something great is waiting for me. And if I don’t work for it today, I might miss on the opportunity.

 

My banker life is sort of an assignment. It is not what work I do. It is how I do it. And I choose to do it with integrity. Work is worship. That is going on in my mind right now. I’m serving the public. It is their money that we have deposited in our bank. And they have an absolute right to ask a hell lot questions. There shouldn’t be any chance for me to feel irritated. Instead, I should be more convincing.

 

And the battle to be convincing is eternal.

 

And then, there is team work. It is not what I expect it to be. Some of my co-workers inspire me, while some teach me valuable lessons.

 

But there is this voice that keeps telling me that I am an employee of the bank and I have the power to bring the CHANGE that I want!

 

Peace.

 

XOXO,

H